We broke up. I moved on. I found someone new. But you’re still hung up on us. Should I wait for 3 months before leaping to another relationship or not?
Bash, hindi mo ba alam yung three-month rule? Lahat ng nagmahal at nakipag-break alam ‘yun. Maghihintay ka muna ng tatlong buwan bago ka magka–boyfriend ulit!
I remember so many people always quoting the infamous “3-month rule” reference from the iconic movie, ‘One More Chance’. Society instilled the 3-month rule to everyone. A dictation of decency between former lovers or partners. A sign of respect. It’s an unsaid rule that everyone knows by heart. Don’t get into another relationship within the first 3 months after your breakup. Easy as that.
Supposedly, the aim of the 3-month rule is to give both parties a breather. Maybe give them time for closure, a room for forgiveness, and if you’re wishful thinking, a possible reconciliation. But mostly, it serves as the basis for the “moving on” phase of one person. A very strategic countdown for moving on before you get back into the dating game.
But I don’t believe in it. And I choose not to live by it.
In most frequent situations, people who break or don’t follow the unsaid breakup rule are seen as cheaters. Or people who are just biding their time to jump on from one love conquest to the next. Society brands these people as the “bad guys” of the relationship. Or the partner that didn’t love enough. The one who stays faithful or who waited for 3 months gets the recognition as the victim and the good guy between them. And that’s just sick.
Personally, the 3-month rule is garbage. Don’t get me wrong though. I do move on. And no, I don’t have a long list of prospective boyfriends in store. I just don’t like the thought of people judging others because of the decisions they made after a breakup. But I know one thing for sure. It’s an unsaid rule that misleads people and shames them for being true to themselves. To what they feel.
We heal in different paces
It might sound cliche but let me just say it. It’s 2019, you guys. Not to sound jaded but we do heal in different paces. We just do. Some can move on within a matter of days or weeks. While some can move on in a much longer period of time. Of course, before jumping to another relationship or commitment, one must have moved on from the past. We don’t want to make the new person just a rebound, right? Aside from moving on in different paces, people cope differently when moving one. Some people need to be with someone else to move forward. While others need some time alone. So please, don’t make it sound like moving on is a GD competition. ‘Cause apparently, it’s not. So get off your high horses, people.
Social decency or deception?
The 3-month rule is awfully deceptive. For starters, there’s no scientific basis that the 3-month rule is correlated to the faithfulness or loyalty of one person. Just because a made-up rule like this work for you, doesn’t mean it will work for others. Choosing not to follow the 3-month rule doesn’t mean that the person is rude or impolite to her ex. Nor they trample on their memories and the love they had before. Moving on to someone new before the supposed 3-month post-breakup timeout isn’t indecent. It doesn’t disrespect the other party because he’s no longer involved with anything or anyone his ex sees. You know what’s disrespectful and indecent? Spreading rumors about your ex just because she’s moved on already from you. Even if things ended badly or in a good note, you no longer have the power to dictate something to your ex. Especially a petty thing like the 3-month rule. Grow up.
You do you
If you know you’ve moved on and ready to be happy, get hurt and fall in love once more. Then do it. Don’t let society tell you otherwise. Haters are gonna hate. So let them hate. As long as you know you’re in the right track, go for it. There’s too much negativity in life and in society so might as well take that leap of faith if you really like the person, right? They say love comes and goes and if you let society and a BS rule dictate you, you might miss the chance of being happy. Love is messy and it’s supposed to be like that. But we love and fall in love because we pursue our happiness. And we only got one lifetime to live it the fullest. So you do you.
The 3-month rule is definitely ancient history, darlings. So go meet someone new, if that’s what you want. Try testing the waters. See how it goes for you. If you want to jump to a new relationship, do it. Do it. You’re the master of your own life. We laugh, we fall in love, we get hurt, we fuck up. And you shouldn’t let a deceptive rule manipulate your happiness like that.
Do you believe in the 3-month rule? Are you already seeing someone new? Or do you try to take some alone-time? Share us your thoughts on the comments down below. Or hit us up on our Facebook or Twitter @UDoUPh.