They go from being fun and outgoing to throwing tantrums like a child.

 

Yes, like a child.

 

Photo by Nicholas Kusuma on Unsplash

 

Toyoin/topakin

 

Toyo is a Filipino slang typically used to refer to one’s neediness, emotional immaturity, or a mixture of the two. While it’s present in many aspects of life, having ‘toyo’ is generally associated with romantic relationships. Both men and women exhibit ‘toyoin’ behavior. In a heterosexual relationship, girls tend to be more ‘toyoin,’ as they’re more expressive of how they’re feeling. The most common manifestations of ‘toyo’ are moodiness and irritability.

 

Toyoin people have the tendency to lash out on their partners for their own problems. They start treating you like dirt for no clear reason. They cause fights over silly little things. And they have the audacity to expect you to tolerate them over and over, and they even go Blitzkrieg mode when you don’t. You must submit to whatever drama they’re putting up. And they’re entitled to that position. In fact, they think it makes them look lovely and for that, they deserve an endearing pinch on the cheek.

 

Is it cute, though?

 

Chances are, you know someone who labels themselves as ‘toyoin.’ And some of them even put that label on a banner and wave it around for people to see. There’s so many of them, that society ends up passing it off as excusable behavior.

 

It’s probably due to those cheesy romantic films in which the female protagonist is portrayed as a moody freak and the leading man just kind of falls in love with whatever she’s doing, but since they are good-looking celebrities, the audience adapts what they see. Or, perhaps, as a child, acting out was your way of getting attention and you carried that habit over to adolescence, and you still believe that throwing a fit is an acceptable (and cute) way of gaining emotional support.

 

The thing is, it’s not cute.

 

It’s not funny, either.

 

People who throw temper tantrums on a regular basis tend to be highly dysfunctional in their relationship. They basically feed on their partner’s submissiveness. They project their internal issues onto them. And if you haven’t figured it out yet, it’s a major red flag because it’s a sign of toxic controlling behavior.

 

It’s emotional abuse.

 

If you’re related to one, it’s your call whether you’re up for the challenge. If you can give the emotional support they need, then good for both of you. After all, it’s the challenges that couples face that make their bond stronger and purer. But remember: once it gets too much and you find your own mental health suffering, maybe it’s time to ask yourself if it’s really worth it to stay. It is not your duty to keep tolerating them. You deserve better than being someone’s punching bag.

 

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