They go from being fun and outgoing to throwing tantrums like a child.

 

Yes, like a child.

 

Photo by Nicholas Kusuma on Unsplash

Toyoin/topakin

Toyo is a Filipino slang typically used to refer to one’s neediness, emotional immaturity, or a mixture of the two. It’s present in many aspects of life, but having ‘toyo’ is generally associated with romantic relationships. Both men and women exhibit the ‘toyoin’ behavior. In a heterosexual relationship, girls tend to be more ‘toyoin,’ as they’re more expressive of how they’re feeling. Most common manifestations of ‘toyo’ are moodiness and irritability.

 

Toyoin people have the tendency to lash out on their partner for their own problems. They start treating you like dirt for no clear reason. The cause fights over silly little things. And they have the audacity to expect you to tolerate them over and over, and even go Blitzkrieg mode when you don’t. You must submit to whatever drama they’re putting up. And they’re entitled to that position. In fact, they think it makes them look lovely and they deserve an endearing pinch on the cheek.

 

Is it cute, though?

 

We know someone who labels themselves as ‘toyoin.’ And some of them even put that label on a banner and wave it around for people to see. There’s so many of them, that society ends up passing it off as an excusable behavior.

 

It’s probably due to those cheesy romantic films in which the female protagonist is portrayed as a moody freak and the leading man just kind of falls in love with whatever she’s doing, but since they are good-looking celebrities, the audience adapts what they see. Or, perhaps, as a child, acting out was their way of getting attention and they carried that until they grew old, and they still believe it’s an acceptable (and cute) way of getting emotional support.

 

It’s not.

 

It’s not cute.

 

It’s not funny.

 

People who throw fits on a regular basis to be highly dysfunctional in their relationship. They feed on their partner’s submissiveness. They project their internal issues onto them.

 

It’s a sign of a toxic controlling behavior.

 

It’s emotional abuse.

 

If you’re related to one, it’s your call whether you’re up for the challenge. If you can give the emotional support they need, then good for the both of you. Afterall, it’s the challenges that couples face that make their bond stronger and purer. But just remember, once it gets too much and you find your own mental health suffering, maybe it’s time to ask yourself if it’s really worth it to stay. It is not your duty to keep tolerating them. You deserve better than being someone’s punching bag.

 

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