LIFESTYLE: Can you still be friends with your ex?
August 1, 2019 Kae Luna
You break up and the first question that comes to mind is if you can still be at least friends! What do you think?
People say you can never really be just friends with someone you once fell in love with. Well, to some degree, yes. This might be true. But can you really be friends with your ex again? I’m sorry people, but my stand is that yes, you can absolutely be friends with your ex! And here’s why!
Hold up, don’t criticize me instantly without hearing me out. I am friends with most of my exes. Some of them even invited me to be their child’s godparent. So, yes, you can still be friends, but only under some conditions! Being friends with your ex brings up the possibility of reconciliation. And that’s what we’re avoiding, right? That’s why we don’t want to be friends with them. This goes especially when you both started out as friends. Of course, hanging out or talking to each other could possibly rekindle the flame.
Two, being friends with your ex threatens a present relationship if you have one. I’ve known few people who are okay with their S.O.s being friends with a past lover! Some aren’t even comfortable with you and your ex being just Facebook friends. Unfriended. Reported. Blocked! You can’t even have their number still saved on your phone. And this is a totally understandable expression! Don’t get mad at your partner for shielding you from an ex. Exes can be an intimidating feat in a relationship! The current sometimes tend to think that he somehow needs to surpass what you and your ex shared.
Exes are fun friends
This may sound ridiculous, but hear me out! Exes can be the best of kind of friends you’ll have in the world if the timing is right. Why? Well, if you shared something romantic, that must mean that they know the real you. After all, you’ve been together for quite some time. An ex knows how your fart smells, for all you care, and it’s fun to have a friend you don’t have to be pretentious around!
We’re not saying you should be friends with your ex. What I’m saying here is that you can. And it is certainly possible. But only given some conditions! Sometimes things go overboard if you don’t keep yourself and the situation in check. Especially if it’s with exes, you’re in a very risky game.
You should be totally over each other (both of you)
This is probably just common sense. You can’t be friends with your ex if one of you guys are still hung up from the relationship! Ask yourself, “In the event that we become friends again, will I be able to say that a friend is all I see him/ her for?” Of course, it’s not that easy to just erase all the things you shared together, and you don’t have to force it. It’s just that if you both decide to become friends again, you should be able to wholly accept the idea of being just friends. No getting jealous over new partners, no flirting, and definitely no breaking them up! You’re supposed to be there as a friend supporting them. Now, unless you can accept that very idea, then don’t even try being friends with your ex. You’ll just fall all over again, making situations even more complicated.
It’s easy to tell when you don’t have the feelings anymore, but what about the other person? Are you supposed to guess? Well, an option would be to ask them, but that would be awkward. I believe that you can just feel it when a person is over you, so when you feel that the only love left is platonic, okay! Become friends. But watch out for red flags. If he starts showing you care that’s unlike the care of a regular friend, abort the mission. I repeat, abort the mission! You’ll know when one of you guys is not ready to be friends just yet, which brings me to my next point!
Timing is everything. It’s could make or break your decision to become friends with your ex! The key is to give them (and yourself) some time. Don’t try to befriend them if you just broke up a week ago. Sometimes it can take years before people who used to be lovers could be comfortable with each other without the romantic feeling. And that’s perfectly understandable. Wait ’till the timing is perfect and you feel that it really is about time you become friends. Maybe not very close friends, but only so much that you can talk to them openly like how a friend is.
Consider your S.O.
When breaking up with someone, the possibility of finding someone new or falling in love again is high. And if you’re considering being friends with your ex again and you have a new person in your life, be sure to consider them first. Because some people might not be okay with it. Talk to them about it first, and if your S.O. is okay with it, that’s the only time you can be friends.
Also, when you guys talk, don’t just forget that you have a boy/girlfriend. Mention them casually in the conversation, make it clear that you’re taken. Let them know that you’re in a relationship so that the encounter would be nothing but platonic. The problem arises when we forget to keep the situation grounded, and things can get out of hand. If the other person is in a relationship too, be supportive and happy for them!
Stop bringing up romantic memories from the past.
It’s a good thing to laugh about it now that you’ve both moved on, yes. But surely, bringing up important milestones and events in the past relationship you both had would somehow bring back the emotions that come with the memory. So just don’t keep bringing it back, because you don’t want the past back, you want to be friends in the present. Tell them how you currently are and what’s been happening in your life!
Also, a common mistake is trying to compare your past relationship with the current one. Nuh-uh. Don’t do it to yourself! Remember to be content and to stop looking for the things that your current relationship lacks from the previous one. We’re not into regrets this time, we’re into friendship. And if you still have regrets, then don’t be friends with your ex. That just brings us back to point number one– you should both be over it.
In reality, it’s just a case-to-case basis when it comes to these things. One good rule to remember is to never do to your partner what you don’t want your partner to do to you. If you just want to be friends, then be a friend to him. Knock yourself out, but don’t go over that limit!