LIFESTYLE: 5 Telltale Signs of a Toxic Relationship
July 17, 2019 UDOU Team
Relationships tend to be rocky at times but there are boundaries to be set. That’s why you should watch out for these 5 telltale signs of a toxic relationship so you can get the hell outta there!
Relationships are definitely hard work. That’s a common refrain. Sure, we invest in relationships because we fall in love, wants to be loved back… same old, same old. But fights would happen, which is perfectly normal. There would always be rough patches to experience but it’s part of the course.
However, there are certain red flags you should consider. A relationship can go from 100 – 0 real quick. And a toxic relationship isn’t something you’d want in your life. Toxic relationships can and will cause your well-being and life to crumble bit by bit. It contaminates your happiness, self-esteem and your relationships with your family and friends.
Take it from me. I’ve seen myself severed ties with good old pals just to please my partner (let’s call him Sam) at that time. Not only that, I went M.I.A in college because of him, too. And lost my sense of identity. I compromised my time, money and resources just to “show him that I truly love and care for him”. And yes, I’ve been that stupid. (Fork you, Sam). Despite seeing the red flags, I still wore rose-colored glasses to deny how bad it was going for me.
But it shouldn’t be the case for you. So here are the 5 telltale signs of a toxic relationship you should watch out for. And if these consistently, over and over again, maybe you should think if it’s still healthy for you to stay.
It’s like walking on eggshells
You feel cautious and wary about everything you do and say. Like a minefield, you always brace yourself for something. It feels like you have to watch every word you say with him or her.
Questions become interrogations, statements become accusations, and logic becomes irrational at some point. Because one mistake can cause a petty fight that you can’t win. Not a single time. And “sorry” won’t be enough to resolve anything or everything.
Verbal or physical abuse
Or worse, both. A huge deal breaker, everyone. You won’t see it coming but when you do, bounce the hell out. It’s not the mean words or simple, playful slap on the wrist. We’re talking about getting cursed, being degraded for who you are and the “unintentional” tight grips around your wrist can be alarming, darling.
When that line is crossed, respect is lost. They might say that it won’t happen again. But trust me, it does and it will. If the opportunity poses itself, they will grab it. No amount of reason can give them any right to do it to you.
Invasion of privacy
Privacy? What privacy? We live in a digital era where most of our life stories are crowdsourced in social media. And it’s somehow casual for partners to have access for each other’s social media account. Be it Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. But not all the time. And it has boundaries.
So, remember Sam? He had this thing for going through all my social media accounts. Messages, posts and all. I mean, yeah, it’s cool that we both have access to each other’s account. But man, he nitpicks every conversation I have. He makes a big deal of every guy I chat. May it be my relative, good friend or blockmate. He even unfriended some of my guy pals. And reads any incoming messages without notifying me. (What a jerk, right?).
It’s demeaning and controlling, to the point that it constricts your social media presence. Despite being in a relationship, we still deserve our privacy. We’re all adults here and we don’t need that constant supervision.
This one’s a bit of overkill. They control manipulate you in all ways possible. If you found yourself being in a situation where they make you feel guilty or ashamed of your actions or words. That’s guilt-tripping. They attempt to control your behavior by making you feel guilty, ashamed or embarrassed for doing something you want.
They even try to use past mistakes just to keep you grounded with them. You don’t have to feel guilty for wanting to have a girl’s night out. Nor wanting to go treat your friends. Or even have your “alone time”. Manipulation like that can wear you down gradually. And they’d just feel powerful that they can influence simple decisions like that.
All the love and compromise comes from you
And lastly, things seem to be all you. The relationship seems to be one-sided. Sure, they might be giving love for you. But in your case, you do everything else. You compromise your time for them, your resources and love. All you do is give and give, thinking that that’s how a relationship works. Or that’s okay when it’s not.
It’s lonely and exhausting. A relationship is a two-way street. Give and take. It doesn’t need to feel like an obligation or work. You don’t always have to please them. Because you need a breather and some loving too. And if they seem tedious than your day job, I say dump their ass.
Because we don’t work our ass off all day just to be ignored by an ungrateful person who thinks you’re not enough. All the gifts? Affection? Time? Not enough for you? Boohoo.
What to do?
Assess the situation. Think of how the relationship affects you, your growth and life in general. A relationship shouldn’t hinder you from pursuing your own life.
True, relationships take time. Eventually, you’ll fight, make sacrifices and compromise. But it shouldn’t compromise your happiness, self-esteem, and well-being. A relationship built on love nurtures and replenishes. It doesn’t fester your own self inside out. Nor diminishes the relationship as a whole. Know when someone is doing you damage more than you imagine. You might be flawed but you deserve to thrive and be happy.
What do you think of the 5 telltale signs of a toxic relationship? Have you experienced a toxic relationship before? Share us your thoughts on the comments down below! Or hit us up on our Facebook or Twitter @UDoUPh.