Are you scolding yourself for letting them in and now you’re in pain? Don’t be too hard on yourself! Because in all honesty, letting them in was not a mistake and it doesn’t make you weak.
We all have our pains and fears brought about by our pasts—whether it may be from a romantic relationship, friendship or family. Some, despite what they’ve been through, can dive in headfirst on possibilities and new connections. Sadly, on the other hand, a lot of us tend to build walls or draw lines so as not to let anyone too close out of fear of getting hurt. I, for one, had been the former. But as bad endings and mistrusts continue to blow up on my face, I started to pile up bricks around me with no doors.
Yet no matter how formidable the wall may seem, there will always be that one person who would find their way to you. They would either climb up despite how high it is, dug their way under, or simply break through it. And even if your guard is up, you’d slowly ease up… and trust. Because why would they bother if they are merely going to inflict pain along the journey, right? Well, ladies and gentlemen. Isn’t that the million dollar question? Even if they made you feel anew, like you could finally trust and let someone in again, they’d just leave you hanging with another heartbreak and your trust issues going haywire once more.
But sweetie, one thing I learned from letting someone in again and ending up getting hurt, is that it’s absolutely okay. And here’s why.
Trial and error
Here’s the brutal reality. Just because you were willing to finally try again with this person, doesn’t magically mean that he or she is “the one”! Great, you let them in because they were different from the others. But sweetheart, just like the fundamental method in problem-solving, letting someone into your life is a huge trial and error.
You’ve let them in. Somehow despite the inner struggle you had, you let them get close. But unlike those romantic movies with happily-ever-afters, it didn’t work out. Stop whining and complaining about how they owe you a great ending because you gave them a special pass into your four walls. It was your choice to trust them, and I’m sorry it didn’t turn out the way you expected it to. But that’s life. You try and fail countless times before you finally get it right.
You are worth it
I know what you’re thinking. You trusted them no matter how scared you were and you gave yourself the chance to feel again those beautiful things, this time, with them. And then in whatever way, they disappointed you. They break your heart, leave you hangin’ or ruin your trust. Either way, you’re currently asking, “Am I not worth it?”.
The answer is, you are worth it. Don’t let one failed trial define that. It may hurt, it may trigger your trust issues again. But you know why I think you’re worth it? Because despite your trauma and the fear that you have, you can still recognize something wonderful in another person. That’s why you took a risk, that’s why you tried to take a leap of faith. And take note! I’m pretty sure your guard is always up. He/she knows that. And yet, they took the time and the effort to dissolve it. Would they do that in the first place if they didn’t see you were worth it after all? Things collapse for a reason, but that doesn’t, in any way, lessen how deserving you are.
You are healing
Remember the time when your walls were so indestructible? The fact that you’ve let someone in means you are healing. How long did it take for you to willingly create a door and let someone in? I know it took me more than a year to do so. And although that meant earning a little heartache afterward, honestly, I don’t feel stupid for it. Because it might just be the sign that I’m finally getting there.
From past heartbreaks in whatever form, you will always bounce back if you want to, if you just have the will to do so. You’ve been through a lot in the first place that’s why you’ve been afraid. You got this! Quit the mindset that you’re Humpty Dumpty without anyone who has the capability to put you back together again. Because no matter what, you have you.
It makes you human
Drawing a line as to how close you let people get to you is a good caution to guard your heart. But admit it, it creates a void. We are human beings after all. No man is an island, and finally letting someone an inch closer to you can make you feel alive. True, them disappointing or hurting you is a fallback. But feelings make us human. Through the laughter and tears, through the love and the pain, it creates lessons and memories that we can treasure and look back to when we’re a year wiser.
Having feelings doesn’t make you weak. Letting someone in and having your heart shattered doesn’t make you stupid and pathetic. You are human. So let yourself feel like one instead of being a heartless robot with all those defenses. How can you feel alive without getting hurt, right?
Only you could decide who’s worth risking it for. But if things go downhill, stop obsessing. It’s way too unhealthy and you know it. Stop letting your thoughts consume you and constantly wondering what went wrong and why it didn’t work out. Process what happened, try to understand things with clarity and rational thought. And then maybe, you’d have some sort of epiphany on how a story could come and go just like that.
A reminder that if it comes, let it. Take a risk, take a chance. You might be missing out on something great. If it goes, if it chooses to leave, then hold the door wide open for them. Don’t waste your time bawling over things that you couldn’t control—such as people coming into your life only to leave. Let them.
Remember, letting them in was not a mistake. But letting your past pain control your present is something that shouldn’t have power over you. It may be hard, it may be scary. But in the end, it’s better to get hurt rather than being stuck in a “What if?”. So what if you get hurt again? It’s all part of the process! You just need to have a little faith.
If you think letting someone in was a mistake, then I sure hope this was able to ease you up a bit. Keep in mind that you do you! Risk, fall, and bounce back after crying while watching tear-jerking films with a tub of ice cream. Whatever makes you feel better! Share your experiences through our Facebook or Twitter @UDoUPh. We’d love to talk to you!