LIFESTYLE: The Fear of Relationships and How to Get Rid of It
June 7, 2019 Kae Luna
“To jump or not?” We sometimes have the fear of getting into a commitment. Hopefully to help you out, here are some tips on how to get rid of your fear of relationships!
You might be dating a guy/girl for quite some time now. The person is okay, your personalities click, But you’re somehow apprehensive about making things official. Your fear of intimacy is waving at you! Or worse, because of this, you totally avoid having any type of romantic connections with anyone. We put together some things that might help you out!
But of course, before we get to the hows, we must first know the whys and why you should stop overthinking it. Why does someone become afraid of getting into relationships? Well, first, you might not be afraid of the relationship itself, but you can be afraid because of the following things:
You’re afraid your heart will be broken, or that you’ll break another person’s heart. We get it, love doesn’t always work out. And sometimes, turning things official can be a big risk especially when things are going well the way they are. But let me tell you something. Sooner or later, one of you guys is going to ask, “What now?” Of course, you’re going to need to know what’s next for the two of you.
Also, heartbreaks are a part of love. No one’s ever loved someone and has never been hurt. When we love, we hurt. Isn’t that what makes it mysterious? Cheesy as it may sound, you just have to pick someone you’d be willing to take pain for, and who would be worth the hurt.
Traumatic past relationships
Trauma isn’t the easiest thing to deal with, especially in a relationship. Because in my opinion, this is the most underrated form of trauma. People think that no one actually experiences trauma from being cheated on, or coming from an abusive relationship. When the damage is not physical, people don’t usually care or notice. Sometimes we become afraid of letting people in again because we’re scared it would all turn out the same. And then we’d just go back to blaming ourselves because it must be our fault that no one actually can love us, right?
Wrong! It shouldn’t be your fault that the previous love did not work out. Also, this is not going to be easy, but you shouldn’t take your past fears out on someone new. One, that person isn’t your ex. Two, they are not the same and they wouldn’t necessarily bring you the same pain. Three, not everybody will mess you over. It’s just a matter of finding someone who you can trust enough and forgive.
Believe it or not, singleness can also be the reason why someone wouldn’t want to enter a relationship. The liberty of being single can be addictive, you know. And a relationship threatens that freedom.
Maybe you’re not yet ready to let go of all the fun in being single. But trust me, there’s a lot of fun in being a relationship, too! It’s nice to be able to share yourself openly with another person without the fear of being judged. To be able to have someone who would always be there, and to be able to be there for someone without question. We love the stability and security it gives us, but it doesn’t mean it has to lose its fun and adventure. Also, making it official means you don’t have to scramble in the dark anymore! You both will know your place in the relationship.
Sometimes, it’s our own capabilities that we doubt. “I’m okay with having a partner, but what if I can’t be a good partner? What if I’m too busy to commit? Everything is going well… what if I won’t be able to handle things well and I ruin it?”
It’s okay to think about these things first before getting into a relationship. These are actual things that need some time to be taken into consideration, but it shouldn’t cause fear.
First of all, we’re never too busy to commit. If we are, we’d never have time to start something mutual, too, don’t you agree? The dating stage requires a huge chunk of our time and our effort. If we could do that, then time’s really not the issue. Second, you’re not the only person who should be able to handle the relationship. A bird can’t fly flapping only one wing. It has to be both of you! A relationship isn’t all about great days and fun. It’s working things out, big adjustments, compromise, and the choice to stay through rough times.
Admit it or not, change can really be intimidating. A lot of things change when we enter relationships—on our own and as a couple. Our lifestyle, our habits. Maybe you won’t be able to hang out with your friends as much anymore. Or maybe you won’t be able to do other things, so we become afraid.
But change is a part of relationships! Actually, it is a part of everything. The day you accept that change is inevitable is the day you actually live. A comfort zone isn’t really a nice place to be, and sometimes, we just have to risk things for people who are definitely worth the risk. A portion of your time with friends would be taken away, but that’s because you’ll already be sharing that time with someone you can call your own. And, trust me, when you find your safe place in a person, you’d want every change that comes with it, and it would still be worth it.
We know it’s easier said than done. But try not to overthink too much and let your fear get in the way of something that’s probably going to be great. Sometimes, it doesn’t push through because of those crazy thoughts consuming you.
Like a friend always told me, love is a gamble. You win, or you lose. But it’s better to lose than to never experience it! So if you think you’ve found the right one, don’t blow your chance because of fear. If you haven’t yet, that’s okay too! The perfect love is not sought for, it just comes along. Did we miss your reason? Tell us on the comments down below! Maybe we can also give you tips. You can also hit us up on our Facebook or Twitter @UDoUPh!